I can honestly say that today was a lot easier than I thought it would be. Everywhere I turned, there was compassion. Definitely makes dealing with this loss a little more bearable.
I've chosen to spare the facebook friends with all the details of what has happened. Didn't stop me from posting a pic of myself in the surgery center though LOL Dan is such a private person, I'm the opposite. I'll tell anyone who will listen. Not sure why that is. But I guess it's a good thing for someone who blogs :)
We had our confirming ultrasound yesterday. Dan was NOT happy with the place. He feels the techs at Dr. Cole's office were more personable and did way more. I tried to explain that this imaging center wasn't looking to confirm a pregnancy but a loss so of course it would seem that way. He is adamant that we will never go there again and he feels 100% confident with whatever Dr. Cole tells us.
Today was the D&C and a super long day to boot. I was to report to the surgery center at 10:30 am so I assumed my surgery would be around 11ish. HA At 11:20 we found out the surgery was scheduled for 12:45 and so I would be waiting forever there. Wasn't horrible but poor Dan was working off 3 hours of sleep (for a total of maybe 12 since Monday's appt) and finding out his mom was in a different hospital on a ventilator. Can the dude catch a break?!?! For entertainment, I snapped pics of him as he dosed off in the chair next to me. Finally, at about 1pm they came for me and then I woke up.
Not going to lie or sugarcoat this - it sucked some serious ass!! Lots of cramping and bleeding. Thankfully, both have stopped now. I was in the recovery room for close to two hours. I really am a good patient, when drugged up LOL Currently, it just feels like I'm having a heavy menstrual with some crazy cramps. Gotta monitor my bleeding so I haven't slept yet since getting home.
Sad thought :( 66 days ago we made this baby. At 10 weeks, it stopped growing. I never heard the heartbeat.
We've asked for chromosomal testing. Dr. Cole said it will come back 46xx which is me - I have no freaking clue what that means - but he wasn't against doing the test. I go see him on the 20th for a follow up and the all clear to try again.
We booked our trip to Maui - we leave May 16 and come home May 21. I've been asking for this trip since I don't know how long LOL Dan will be 40 May 15 and even when we were pg I asked for this trip. I think it's just the perfect time for us to go away, be alone together and regroup. It would be an awesome souvenir to bring home a new little bun but I'm not putting my eggs in any basket right now.
I'm going to take a few days to grieve the loss of our baby. I never did that before. I have two babies in heaven - one I put there, one was called back. Guilt over the abortion leads to guilt for this loss. I'm trying to get over both but I know only time will heal.
One day, it will be time.
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