Yep, I'm in the HOLY SHIT phase right now.
I met with the endocrinologist on Wednesday and my life as I know it has once again been turned around. Instead of just telling me how to eat and increasing meds, I'm now on insulin and testing 4 times a day. HOLY SHIT
I'm having a flux of emotions. I feel ashamed for having let myself get to this point and providing an unhealthy growing environment. I feel scared because I don't want to risk losing this life that I've wanted for so many years. I feel embarrassed because so many people have been behind me, on my side, cheering me on for getting healthy and here, I've let everyone down.
I know this isn't the end of life, it's the beginning of a new chapter where I have no choice but to take care of myself. I guess, in a way, this is the medical emergency Dan has warned me about.
I have no one to confer with, wallow in any pity with. None of my friends are in this boat. I don't really care to go out and meet new "friends" in the same situation because I want mine to change, to be better.
Yesterday was the day of pity and sorrow. Today, I take on the challenge and show myself and others that I WILL do this.
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