Grad Night at Magic Mountain June 1991 is the first time I can remember riding a roller coaster and I had my eyes closed. Here we are in 2012 and I'm riding another roller coaster with my eyes open. It's a fucking mess!
Why is it that getting pregnant at 18 took no effort whatsoever? My cycles were regular but I had no intentions on being with child. Fast forward 16 years and my cycles are irregular (with the exception of the last three) and I desperately want to be with child.
Granted, this is only the second cycle of officially trying BUT it seems that I'm the only one trying. I was asked not to talk about it, not to put a schedule on him because it stresses him out. Well obviously last month didn't work out. So here we are, in the middle of the second cycle and now he doesn't want to?! What the freaking fuck! I've only got a limited window of fertility and it's smaller this cycle because of his work schedule. All I'm asking for is a few minutes. Nothing romantic, just get the job done ... Is that really too much?!?!?
I got home from work later than usual and knew it would be tight for timing but seriously, it's just like 15 minutes max! Instead, I'm met with laughter and No. Then he says that if I ask again he'll not come home. Ok, mister. It is NOT a good idea to piss off a hormonal woman trying to get knocked up! After wasting ten minutes, I gave up. Completely deflated ego. Do I want this more than he does? Does he not even want this?
I'm sitting here, crying. Why? I feel like such a dumbshit. Another wasted cycle. I'm not sure I'm cut out for this. Maybe I should just give up.
No comments:
Post a Comment