Just a little over a week and some change until my birthday. Usually I'm all giddy and excited but not this time around. Yes, I know - I have SO much to be thankful for, and believe me I am. I'm just not excited to celebrate that another year has gone by and not much has changed (with the exception of adding E into our lives) and I haven't done jack shit to change (other than talk/blog). So I guess you could say that, for once, I'm not looking forward to my birthday.
We'll be traveling to Colorado and introducing E to my mother, her husband and my grandmother. I'm starting to feel anxious, not able to really get a good amount of sleep and of course, eating horribly. I'm excited to see my grandmother, for it has been over 5 years since I saw her last. Plus she'll be meeting her first great-grandchild. How can I not be excited?? Well, she currently lives with my mother and that's, I think, where the anxiety creeps in. I haven't seen her since 2009 and it was more of a "hi, hello, how are you" kinda situation. Before that, I hadn't seen her since 1984. Yeah, that says 1984 which is 19 years ago. Holy fuck.
I've been making crappy food choices - every weekday morning I go to McDonald's and get either a #2 (sausage mcmuffin and hash brown) or oatmeal, with a hazelnut latte to drink. Every now and then I get crazy and go to the deli for a bagel instead. Well, after 3 months of that, it's safe to say I'm fat. I mean, no shit, right? Welp, it's no one's fault but my own. And right now, I need more than ever to give a shit ... Yet, I don't.
For shits and giggles I hopped on the scale in the office wellness center - the one with the needle that goes back and forth to the number - and well, let's just say I couldn't believe my eyes! Granted, I'm wearing all of my clothes but the number is THE highest and I'm utterly ashamed and embarrassed. I don't even want to share the number because I'm so disgusted. I should have stopped eating out when my wallet was getting thin and my pants were getting tight!
So basically this post is a pity party that I created for myself. I've been feeling pretty negative lately, lots of it to do with my body and other shit of course. Hopefully this was the outlet I needed to get the negative out and start focusing on the positive.
1 comment:
You're a mom now and you need to think about being around and healthy for your little guy, sister.
Instead of a regular latte, get a skim milk one. Instead of large, get a small.
Instead of McDonald's, grab one of those bistro boxes at Starbucks. The cost alone will keep you from doing that all the time.
It's not about denying yourself, just getting smaller portions or healthier versions.
YOU CAN DO IT.
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