Today is the one year anniversary of my d&c with our first child. My heart still aches for that baby, I still wonder why my body chose to hold on for a week, I still want to know why it happened and I'm not sure if I want to know the gender.
Today, I am holding my (almost) 5 week old son, who wouldn't be here had we not had the miscarriage. E is perfect, in every single imaginable way. I have so much love for him, that sometimes I wonder if I should have so much love for him. By that I mean, is it ok for me to love him so much, when we have our angel baby who I also love, even though I only carried him/her for 11 weeks?
I know that we have a guardian angel watching over us, watching over E. That makes me feel a little better but I still find myself thinking back to last year. Such a hard loss, no one should ever go through that. Ever!
On top of this, my mother-in-law passed away Wednesday, after 10 days of being in the hospital. It was a hard decision for the family to make and I'm heartbroken for my husband but so grateful that she is no longer suffering. She only got to see E a few times but I know she was so excited for him and loved him so much. Now he has two guardian angels.
1 comment:
Your loss probably multiplies your love for your son. I know I feel that way about Casey. You can never love them too much, Gen. Never.
xoxo
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