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Sunday, October 23, 2011

A Guilty Conscious

Here I am, with a big case of the "What Ifs" and it is driving me absolutely nuts!  My life is not even close to what I thought it would be, but then again nothing ever really turned out how I thought it would back in the day either.

Along with the "what if" I wonder if someone is thinking about me, as much as I think about them.  Do I cross someone's mind just out of chance?  Little things will remind me of you.

The internet can be a bad thing but sometimes for me, I find it soothing.  I reconnected with an old, dear friend and love keeping up with her family.  But what I hate is seeing her brother, my ex, and his new life.  I shouldn't say hate, because I think I'm over it now, but I do have a little ping of jealousy when I look at his beautiful children.  Would that be us? Does he even think about that?

I feel guilty for not living in the moment, with my husband and our life.  I always want something more but don't know what.  I have an empty feeling that I don't know how to fill.  I would give anything to feel complete but I just don't know how.

1 comment:

Randi said...

You never know what kind of things go on behind another person's closed doors. It's a case of "The grass is always greener." You're not the only one that thinks about exes and such.